the art of getting by
by dansesinfernale
Summary: "Rule Number One: Cutting school is fun. Rule Number Two: Cut rarely to preserve the specialness. Rule Number Three: Do something culturally rewarding with your time to earn it morally. Rule Number Four: Noodles." ; or, in which Nishinoya and Tanaka cut class and have a lazy day.


" _Bzzzzzz."_

Tanaka's head shot up with surprise, and he glanced around sheepishly to make sure no one had noticed the loud buzzing coming from his pants pocket.

" _Bzzzzzz."_

Now a few people had turned their heads to look at him, but they were rebuffed by angry glares from the wing spiker.

"Who the hell is this?" he muttered to himself, sneaking cursive glances at the elderly teacher in front, who thankfully was too far away and too deaf to hear the incessant buzzing from Tanaka's mobile phone.

"Keep it down, Tanaka-san!" his neighbour hissed. "Some of us are actually trying to learn here."

After pulling a dreadful face at the offender, he worked his phone out of his pocket slowly, trying not to attract any more attention to himself. Thankfully, the buzzing had stopped, so he was able to tuck the phone in-between the pages of his textbook, while lifting up one side to make it seem that he was examining the page very closely, instead of scrolling through messages with one hand.

[text] ey

[text] ey ryū

[text] i've got noodles

[text] do u know what that means

[text] dude answer me

[text] i know you've got old man yama now just tell him u don't feel well and ciao outta there

[text] hurry uppppppppppppppp

"Goddammit, Noya!" he muttered, closing the textbook before it looked too suspicious. The one class he absolutely hated was mathematics. Nothing ever seemed to fit into place there… and yet it was the subject he could least afford to skip, since he was so bad at it. But then again…

He glanced outside at the sunny, cloudless day they were having. Surely it couldn't hurt to skip this once? He had been going to classes fairly regularly after all, and he could always borrow notes from that girl in his class whom had a crush on him.

[text] i got ur fave spicy noodles!

 _Dammit!_ he inwardly cursed, before one-handedly texting a quick reply:

[text] FINE I'LL BE THERE IN 5 DAMN U FOR TEMPTING ME WITH SPICY NOODLES UR SOUL WILL ROT IN HELL

"Everything alright over there, Tanaka-san?" his teacher called from the front of the class.

"Ah- yes!" he said, taken aback at the sudden call-out.

"Actually… Yamamoto-sensei, I'm not feeling very well." he feigned, putting a hand to his forehead to disguise the healthy colour in his face. "In fact, I feel like I'm so dizzy I could faint any moment!"

"Is it the heat?" his sensei asked kindly, peering down the aisle at him. "Go to the nurse's office and get yourself checked out."

"Yes, Yamamoto-sensei. Thank you, sensei." he feigned a wobbly bow, almost crashing into his neighbour, and limped pitifully out of the classroom with his bag, giving a sly wink to the girl who had a crush on him sitting in the front row on his way out.

Once out of sight and earshot, Tanaka whizzed down the staircases like a whirlwind, sneaking carefully around corners like a spy on a mission, even going so far to duck and roll when the occasion called for it. Finally, he managed to reach the club room without being spotted by a single soul— except for the crows hanging out on the school fence, but they were family right? Surely those crows recognised one of their own?

"Noya-san!" he hissed, knocking on the club room's door when his attempts to open it only proved that the door was locked.

"Password!" came the reply.

"Are we seriously going to do this? It's so embarrassing!" he complained, frantically looking around at his surroundings.

"You can either give me the password, or stay out there until you get caught by the principal!"

"Argh!" Tanaka thumped his bag against the door. "Fine! We live alone, we die alone. Everything else is just an illusion."

Almost immediately, the door swung open to reveal a smugly smirking Nishinoya Yū, who was holding out a tupperware full of spicy noodles as a peace offering to his friend. "Congratulations on making it here!" he said.

About fifteen minutes and a bellyful of spicy chinese noodles later, Tanaka looked around expectantly for a package or a bag of some sort that held the next item on their itinerary.

"Hey, Noya, I think you forgot about Rule Number Three of the sacred rules of cutting class." he said. "Remember? 'Do something culturally rewarding with your time to earn it morally?'"

"Of course I remember that, you crazy monk! I've watched that movie a thousand times! With you, I might add!" Noya huffed.

The movie they were referring to was an American romantic comedy-drama film called "The Art of Getting By" that they had accidentally stumbled on in their first year. The philosophies uttered by the main character were just so compelling and so genuine that the two boys had immediately made it their religion, and adhered to the rules of cutting school very strictly. Noya had even gone the extra mile, refusing to do his homework for a whole two weeks until the teachers warned him he would be kicked off the volleyball team if he continued with this blatant disregard to his grades. Now they occasionally cut class, and watched the movie every six months or so, but they looked at it as a form of entertainment now, instead of as a religion.

"I guessed that we deserved a little fun today. I had a pretty bad time in class today, and I don't feel like deciphering a stupid French movie or playing a new game. I guess you could call this hipster culture?" Noya said, rummaging in his bag for something.

Tanaka watched his friend warily. Noya's mood swings were unpredictable and often violent, but sometimes he would plunge into a deep slump with no warning, and it would be impossible to get him out of them. Thankfully, he showed no signs of listlessness that Tanaka had learned often accompanied these fits of depression.

"Whatcha bring?" he peered around his friend's shoulders.

"Bubbles!"

Noya brandished several large bottles of 'THE BEST BUBBLE SOLUTION IN THE WORLD! — GUARANTEED FUN FOR HOURS!", and some differently shaped bubble wands.

"Oh my god. Give that to me now."

After settling down and arguing over the best way to blow the perfect bubble, the two of them lay lazily side by side, heads propped on their bags, watching as the room slowly filled with bubbles that caught the light streaming in from the window and looked like tiny little fairy homes.

"Okay, Ryū. Kiss, marry and kill— Daichi, Tsukishima and Trashykawa."

"Neh? Why aren't there any girls?"

"Because I couldn't think of anyone besides Kiyoko-san, and that would be too easy."

"Ugh, fine. Kill Trashykawa, because I can't imagine doing anything else with him, kiss Tsukishima because I would end up killing him if I had to marry him, and marry Daichi-san, I suppose. No other choice." Tanaka lazily popped a bubble with his foot.

"Fair enough. Okay, my turn."

"Hmm, Kageyama, Aone and that Nekoma setter who's Hinata's best friend."

"What the heck? Why're you giving me all the emo guys, dammit?"

"I'm more disturbed by the fact that you don't care that they're all guys…"

"Shut up, Tanaka, you know I swing both ways. I'm not an inflexible piece of shit like you."

"Just answer the damn—"

They were interrupted by a loud knocking on the door, and the familiar tones of their captain piercing through the haze of bubbles they had created. Both boys jumped to their feet in horror, and Noya frantically checked his watch.

"What the hell? It's not even lunch break yet!" he hissed.

"What are we gonna do about the bubbles?"

"OPEN THIS DOOR IMMEDIATELY, TANAKA AND NISHINOYA." the deceptively calm tones of Daichi rang through.

There was nothing to it. They opened the door to see an unamused captain glaring down at them.

"Wait— what the hell happened in here?" the sight of all the bubbles momentarily stunned him and he tentatively reached out a finger to pop a bubble.

The sight of Daichi so speechless finally got to them, and they both burst into giant peals of laughter, which were obscured by the lunch bell ringing loudly.

All in all it was a good day— they managed to get off without getting into too much trouble and a tradition was upheld.

"Hey, maybe we should show our first years that movie." Noya voiced to Tanaka during volleyball practice.

"Oho, corrupting the youth with dangerous ideas? I knew there was a reason we were best friends!"


End file.
